When I was 24 I lost both of my parents to cancer just a little over a week apart. I was their nurse, hospice, and I held them as they took their last breath. I had the “let go, we’ll all be ok, you taught us well” talk with both of them. And when they died, a piece of me did too… at first!
Prior to that I lived in a pretty rosy bubble of happy that I really enjoyed. I grew up frolicking around 13 beautiful acres in Eastern Pennsylvania, with a happy home life, loving and dedicated parents, and just about anything else I needed. I had three older siblings that I adored and the best grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins ever! Being the baby of 4, surrounded by love, wildlife and a lot of days hanging at the country club felt pretty darn safe and good to me!
So in 2001, after 6 years of watching my mom die a slow and sad death, and an all too fast few months of watching my daddy die in a most agonizing way, my foundation dropped out from beneath me and my world went swirling around me, taking away my “safety”, my parents, basically my whole family and the place I called home. I was completely and utterly alone regardless of who tried to surround me with comfort. There was an echo in my ears and an empty pit in my stomach and all I really saw, was loss. The only people that had ever truly, unconditionally loved me were gone, forever, not coming back.
So the moral of the story is- my bubble burst hard, and it hurt like hell, but surviving the pain, and learning to live without their physical presence was doable because of the “foundation” they built within me, the one I thought I lost as I stared out into the world longing for them; the foundation I actually still had because my parents were the incredible people they were. It took me years to figure all this out, but now at the, (ahem…young), age of 42, with two kids of my own- I’m here to tell you that whatever bursts your bubble in this life, can also make you everything you could ever possibly want to become.
This is where a lot of my inspiration about being sure my kids understand how to care for themselves and find their happiness when I’m no longer here comes from.
I never want them to have to feel lonely when I’m gone, just inspired to make the most of what we had and hopefully find comfort in having had the love and support, rather than just feeling like it’s gone.
This site will no doubt evolve as I go but I thought a little background about why I’m doing all this might be a good start.
Please take a breath and smile… and play! Life is amazing and you’ll be ok!